Swimming with Narcissus

Feeling like Sin King

People blame what's going on, around them, inside them.

The blame games.

Lazer light.

So much is wrong, goes wrong, and we're all trying to keep it together.

Who is to blame?

Who cast the first stones?

Word tones re_verb_er_ate.

Words lodge in the memory holes in the sub-conscious mind + and are never forgotten.

All that baby-toddler stuff, still stuffed, still suffered, still regurgitating, still purging puking fits when we hit the bumpy burps along the road.

Shit fuck turrets.

I've been deeply submerged in conscious investigations of unconscious subconsciousness.

Its over 20 years ago, when i lived in silly psycho Glass Town Buried beneath the Glastonbury Tor in Summer-Set county,

Where i could so simply see that most folk are "adult-toddlers" - spewing projections of their spoiled-parent-childish issues.

I could and can see this in my self too, but it was a shock to me, to realise that the preachers, healers, leaders, druids, goddesses, holier-than-thou types really had No Clue what they were on about.

No cure for the wicked candle-waxxers!

I jumped ship and swam for rock bottom.

I didn't want to stay on-board any Ship of Fools destiny cruising along elitists glitzy bling glamours.

I aimed straight downward spirals, feeling doom laiden response ability to find a subterranean plughole beneath the ocean floor of the World's most "lowest point"...

and dodge passed the dodgy leviathan energy bodies imprinted to devour any thing that moves within the darkest reaches of the Abyssal hell realm sinkhole portal.

It's taken me 18 years.

I've survived far too many near-death experiences.

1 month ago, in a swimming pool, i had a strange healing experience of regurgitating all those death experiences, hyper-ventilating, drowning, strangling, choking, struggling for breath, struggling to live, struggling with my body-soul emotions wondering why did i not die?

So many times.

That day was Bee's 11nth birthday.

Not what I'd intended, to spend 90 minutes sub-merged like soul level Narcissus fallen into the reflection in the ripples of time, while my family, children and their Mother, wondered what the hell was happening to me, crying in the waters, rebirthing and dying and birthing again and again and again.

Drowning in past emotions.

Drowning in future fears.

Staying present in the pre-sent determinatiin to heal this re-sent-past-futures in the now.

It's embarrassing and terrifying to feel like drowning in a public pool.

Its very Jungian and very Freudian too.

It's terrifying.

But i have trained, in feeling terrified of living and dying in public, on The Stage under the public-glazed gaze.

Feel the T error and keep breathing through, keep willing to live, keep letting go and emptying so the holy grail cup can fill again, and overflow.

Thats the place in time when one knows one is not an "ego" alone in a meaning-less existance.

There's more to Living that a cup half-filled, half-drained, half-emptied.

There's more than an "eternal after-life", more than a soul-level birth-vision...

Burst your bubbles and discover more than you imagined inside the bubble-bursts...

The blame-game is poppy-cock.

I try to catch my Self in the act, try to see my self, fooling my Self in the mirror of "other people".

Its a dream-time-knight-mare galloping to ward off the Sun Rise.

I am Narcissus drowning in reflection, in a pool of illusion, Neptune's reflections invisible in the nebulous skies.

Every body dies.

Every body lives.

Separation is illusion.

No one owns anything.

Water flows passed the river banks.

The fish don't own the sea, they swim.

We don't own the air we breathe.

I don't own my skin, my blood, my bones, my looks, the colour of my iris.

I wish you well, hope this post was worth while.

Remember to be grateful, it helps all around

July 2012

a moment in time, words captured, all most for got ten

"i am the meter

you look for me every where

i am your invisible Ruler

i am The Lord of 3 dimensions

i created Plato's Cave

come apart mental sized

measuring mean distances

i draw the line in side out

i define separation

com part mental eyes

i gauge Di stance

between two points of view

i charge your rates of energy usage

i am The measure of The land

i am The Meter of poetry

running rings round lines of little Logic

i am The Meter

i Rule the material realM

i made the Matrix

a seamless reality"

…

Is wondering in what Ways the 2nd coming of The Christ can be recognised ? Given that I T is due to ReTurn any day Now, given that the 7 years of The Rapture have ended, The Hounds have been re Leased and Armageddon is Armed, Primed and ready to blow to King Dumb Cum, how is the Redeemer to reCognized in Truth ?

…

Di Vision United Di Stance Equality Harmonics Di Lute'd.

The future N ever happens Now.

It can not be.

The future had a heart attack and collapsed when the God Particle was found. to be An Atheist made up of pagan faerie dust scattered from the witches broom after heave N 's G ate slammed shut Ab out The Big Bang.

Hence the Right Mind already Left Wrong long ago.

The Future IS already Past.

A pack aged present to unpack one's expectations.

The Future was pre Ordained to fulfill de script ion.

When we have finally run out of Time, what will we finally run into ?